GOD really does talk to us.

I had a wonderful spiritual experience couple weekends ago. I was shopping at Costco and I found a book more like drawn to it like some force of energy called "The Purpose of Christmas" this is the time of year I love and hate at the same time because my family can't seem to agree in a timely manner on what we are going to do for the holidays....it just becomes a struggle. I brought the book home and read it from cover to cover in a day. 125 pages of the best words I could have read. Many of you know whenever I went through a change in the past or longer I would always see a frog on my Mom's house. (Hence, why I have the FROG tattoo on my arm). Well, with it being cold out the frog went away, I hadn't seen him for awhile after I started reading the book when I decided better check on Kyle and was shocked to see the frog on the back sliding glass door. He was only on the door for about 15 minutes before hopping away into the bushes. I haven't seen him since but, I know he's there.

Frog stands for Fully or Forever, Rely, On, God. It was truly a message from God. The book talks about the real meaning of Christmas that it's a time to celebrate the birth of Jesus, that God loves you, that we all have a purpose. I can't even talk about the book without getting choked up. It was so powerful.

The following is what triggered all of this...

I've been doing everything in my power to be civil to Kyle's father and his family, be accommodating to let them see Kyle. The weekend of Nov 8th I had a visit planned for his parents NOT Travis... but his parents to come to my Mom's for a visit. Something started to feel uneasy about it so I canceled stating perhaps another time (it's been 6 months since Travis' parents have seen Kyle and 14 months since Travis has seen Kyle). I found myself very angry not just at them for whatever, but at myself for thinking that anything was going to change. Jay & Cee (Kyle's paternal grandparents) have never agreed to come see Kyle in our home. After I canceled Cee called Mom which was very upsetting to my mom, I wasn't home but I called Cee later to discuss her conversation with Mom and my reasons for canceling. It was an 8 min 54 sec call which ended with Cee hanging up on me. I then called my attorney to schedule an appointment to find out if there was anything I could do to get them out of Kyle's and my life for good. He pretty much said my parenting plan was "restricted" as much as it could be however if Tee wants to see Kyle after the first of the year as our plan states I can petition for Tee to go to counseling and have him do all the court ordered stuff he was to have already done but hasn't. As far has Jay & Cee well as grandparents they have NO rights in the state of WA. In a nutshell after all this time I thought I'd moved past this and worked through it. I am no longer having any contact with Kyle's other family and they will not being seeing Kyle. I don't even want to talk about them after this because it makes me physically sick.

NOTE: some of the names have been changed to protect their privacy.

Thank you for reading

Prayers

I love prayers and wanted to share this one I found online.

Cleaning out the Clutter!

Not the kind of clutter you are thinking. I'm talking about mental clutter, thoughts and ideas that are no longer useful. There comes a time in our lives when it's time to rid our minds of old thoughts---negative ideas that are no longer working. Put new positive thoughts in our brain, easier said than done I know. I'm doing it working every day to change my thoughts so far it's working. I'm feeling stronger than ever before.
I'm also finding it necessary to rid myself of people who are not anything for me. People who call themselves my friends. When I pick up the phone to call them they aren't available when I really need some one, or they start talking about themselves and their issues. Okay fine I'm willing to listen but "HELLO" I called you for a reason.
My latest thing is "my so-called friends" asking me to do something on a weekend then no call and plans. What the hell and you say you are my friend. I guess after the 1st time I should have known better, 2nd time and I'm just plain silly to think it's EVER going to happen and the 3rd time well that's it 3 strikes and YOUR OUT! If you were a true friend you wouldn't ask me to do something then back out with no call. Oh wait when you do call all I hear are excuses of being too busy...well maybe you are just too busy for my friendship. I don't know but, I'm not a door mat please don't treat me as such. You could try to make it up to me but, that isn't necessary. In my opinion just be there like you said you would be in the first place. I've had enough negativity and disappointment in my life. It's time for me to move past that and be happy. I DESERVE IT!!!!!!!
Oh the post about friendship and the person I said I'd want her friendship back. Well, after careful consideration...no I wouldn't want her back as a friend. She wasn't a friend to begin with if she can walk out of my life, calling me names and being nasty to me with no explanation she wasn't a friend to begin with.
If you want to be in my life and be my friend great I am here with open arms. If not that's fine too. I wish you well and hope life treats you kind.
"The only people you need in your life are the ones that PROVE they need you theirs"

I Miss you

"I MISS YOU"

Do not say you miss me
I am not gone
I AM RIGHT HERE
Your words "I miss you"
"I want to see you"
fall on my deaf ears
if they had meaning
your actions I could hear

Friendship

What friendship means to me.
I have recently lost a very dear friend to me (not to death). I'm still not sure to this day what happened or why our friendship suddenly stopped. I miss the daily text messages, the phone calls 2-5 times a day sometimes. She and I may not have seen each other every day but those phone calls, text message, myspace comments really made a HUGE difference in my life. More than she will ever know. Now, I see her when I'm at work and I avoid going in her direction, when I really want to wave and say "hey how's it goin."
I can hear her voice sometimes when she talks to other people sometimes I think she's talking to me.
All I can say is I hope life is being kind to her and she is getting all the good things life has to offer. If she ever wants to be friends again I would want that in a heart beat. There is nothing that has happened that can't be talked about and worked out. She nows who she is. Love you girl.

This loss has given me time to thing about other past/present friendships.
To me there is NO such thing as "I'm so busy with life I didn't have time to call or reply to that text." I had to forgive myself for saying those words.
In 1997 I kept saying that to a friend of mine Curt ...well I kept telling myself I need to call him see how he's doing. "Oh I'll do it tomorrow" well I said that one too many times.
On July 21st 1997, I got a call from my other good Friend Jenni who is Curt's wife telling me he's been a trucking accident, (he drove a glass truck for a living ) and he might not make it.
Jenni and I had a falling out a few weeks prior to the this, she was calling not only to tell me what happened but to ask me to get a hold of Curt's best friend Gregg. Everything that happened between Jenni and I seemed so petty and she needed me and lord knows I needed her. Gregg and I high tailed to Harbor View Medical Center to be with Jenni. We got in to see Curt while it wasn't the best of circumstances to see him under he knew we were there. He was in pretty bad shape.
We spent the evening with Jenni talking about Curt and all the fun times. We were up all night we were all exhausted but, the time came we had to call the rest of the family because Curt had taken a turn for the worse during the night.
I never got a chance to make that call. I never will either. He passed away due to the extent of his injuries. SO IF YOU THINK OH I'VE GOT TOMORROW....GUESS AGAIN YOU MIGHT NOT. If your mind and heart is telling you to call, text, or email someone JUST DO IT! Even if it's just to say I'm thinking about you, wanted you know.

Friendship to me is about unconditional acceptance, forgiveness, love, kindness, and compassion. I hold my friends near and dear to me. They come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

Kyle Starts a NEW Daycare

Kyle started his new daycare. When we got out of the car at the new daycare the kids were outside playing one little boy asked Kyle what he had in his hand, Kyle said "It's a car" the little boy says I want to be your friend. We aren't even in the door yet for the first day and this is happening.
I'm thrilled beyond belief, with the director is one of the most compassionate, kind hearted women I have ever met. I've only known her for a week but my son couldn't stop talking about her when he got home. (something he NEVER did at the other daycare). When we got home Kyle came running into the house looking for Grammy. He is much happier, he is a different little man now that he's not at the hell hole anymore.

Lesson I learned as a parent--my son's behavioral issues were his way of telling me "Mom I'm not happy get me out of here" I will be a much better listener going forward. That is my solemn promise to myself and my son.



The reason's for the quick move from one daycare to another.
I made a snap decision last week to pull my one and only son from the daycare he was in and put him a new daycare. Many things let up to my decision ranging from rules suddenly being enforced that should have been enforced since Kyle started there back in December of 2006. To one of the teachers playing favorites because her daughter is in the same classroom and when she cries "I miss my daddy" " I want my daddy" the mother/teacher lets her daughter use her cell phone to call her daddy so that she will calm down. This is fair to the rest of kids because???????..
Kyle comes home one day saying I miss my daddy I need your phone to call him. WOW! I'm in shock over this because he never mentions his dad that much. After about a month or so he's still saying this (even said he missed his brother...um hello he doesn't have a brother) I guess my words fell on deaf ears when I talked to the director of the daycare and I feel ( can't be positive) the child is still being allowed to do this. I feel this is very insensitive to the other children who may not have the other parent in their life.
Moving on to the most important reason of all. Kyle got bit in that back by another child ok fine it happens once not super excited about it move on let it go. 2 weeks later I get to daycare to be greeted at the gate by his teacher. "You are going to be sooo mad" she says to me I'm thinking um...no I'm not but ok. Then I wanted to know what happened. She proceeds to tell me "the kids were playing in the classroom when Kyle was bugging another child and he had it coming to him but, he got bit in the face" When he came out of the gate (he saw me standing there) I wanted to rip someone's head off. What do you mean my kid "had it coming" this was not just in the face this was right below his eye. NO CHILD DESERVES THIS! The director/owner of the day care comes out of her office kind of chuckling saying something like ouch that looks like it hurts buddy. My blood is boiling by this point but I remained calm I'm not going to explode on anyone as there are kids around.
I find out after talking to my son (yes he can tell what happened) it's the same child who bit him the first time. WTF?!! are they not going to to do anything about this. OH HELL NO that child is still enrolled in the day care with children in the classroom that can't even speak yet they just turned a year old...the biter is 2 1/2-3yrs old I believe. Approx. 2 weeks ago this same child bit a teacher. Still this child is still enrolled in the daycare. I even heard the Dad of this little girl make joke about the muzzle he brought in for his daughter. Again WTF? are you thinking this isn't funny this is a serious issue. You child isn't getting bit so I guess it's ok right?
Kyle went to daycare one last time I couldn't get home fast enough to pick him up and get him out of that hell hole. I wrote a letter to the daycare explaining my reasons for leaving along with my last payment. Not before making a call to the WA State Licensing Dept to get some information, after I got my questions answered I filed a complaint with them to investigate the daycare.
After collecting Kyle and his belongings from daycare we got home settled in all is finally well. Until the director called me to find out what was going on. (The private letter I'd written was opened and read to her over the phone) I found this extremely unprofessional but ok she's knows and she's calling me to hear my side. LOL...in a nutshell she thinks it's perfectly normal for the child to be biting kids...that's a normal way for them to communicate when they can't talk to each other. Even said she was there the day Kyle got bit in the face and I thought it was ok. That I said oh well it is what it is. OMG! are you kidding me. Nothing I can do change that he's already been bit but HELL NO I DON'T THINK IT'S OK.
When I explained to her, Kyle got physically sick from the stress of this she busted up laughing at me and said "you should give Kyle some of the medication you are on (lol if she only knew I'm not on any ha ha I just laugh) because your whole family is whacked" then hung up on me. I was shocked but honestly not surprised. I called her right back only to get her voice mail. I left her message stating she has a LOT of nerve saying that about my son and told her she was very rude and unprofessional. I called the daycare to confirm she was NOT at the daycare.


Thanks for reading.

Off to a good start

I was talking to a new friend who has become very near and dear to me very quickly. He suggested I blog my thoughts, feelings, etc.
So, here I am sharing with everyone in cyber space all about ME. I really have nothing to hide my life has always been an open book, even thought about writing a one to share my life experiences with people.
I've said this to a few people when it comes to getting to know me, you should never judge a book by it's cover. Open me up read a few pages, I know you won't want to put me down. Ha ha never a dull moment in my life. Whether it be my true life experiences or my imagination working up a good story. You will scratch your head, then ask yourself....did that really happen? I look forward to your comments, questions, blah blah.