WOW!!! Hello there it's been almost a full 8 months since my last post. So much has happened lots of changes (hence the title of this blog). Nothing too serious, I met some one in April I got engaged, got a couple new tattoos then got dumped, I bought a new car after 5 years, I had a birthday in August and let me say I have been BORN AGAIN. It's time to tell a story. MY story.
Most of you know I'm a single mother to Kyle (my true gift from GOD). I never planned on being a single mother, I was supposed to be married have the career the house normal stuff right? Yeah well I guess God has a complete different plan for me. I spent over a year in the courts getting a parenting plan set for Kyle (I'm giving you the Reader's Digest version here). Once we were done with the trial in April 2007 I thought I'd be moving on with life getting back to reality instead of the night mare I was living in. When a few months later I got a call from Kyle's older 1/2 sister's mother stating she was moving to GA and needed my help with yet another trial involving Kyle's Dad (parentling plan modification). I had to go testify in court against him. The hardest part was he'd been lying to me for a year about the woman living with him and the fact they'd had a baby together it just opened the wounds that I thought had healed. All 3 mother's and one father in a court room together (it was very awkward). After all was said and done I was on emotional over load and needed a break from the outside world...I went into a depression. I felt like I was in quick sand just to get out of bed and function. I took a short term disability from work to get my life back on track. I was in for a huge surprise I formed a much needed relationship with someone who'd been there all my life but I didn't realize it. GOD such a short name for someone so powerful, I attended a 12-step class to help me manage my life and deal with my separation from God. (life did become more manageable) I started to notice whenever I went through a change during my time off work I would always see a frog on my house. I looked up the meaning of frogs they mean : cleansing and renewal, represent change. I was like OK I need that tattooed on my body somewhere (now I do). After that I noticed someone in the 12 step class had a frog tatt as well she told me it means Forever, Rely, On, God--F.R.O.G.
I went on with life things were ok I was getting by but still something missing. One day early Nov 2008 I had a wonderful spiritual experience. I was shopping at Costco and I found a book more like drawn to it like some force of energy called "The Purpose of Christmas" this is the time of year I love and hate at the same time because my family can't seem to agree in a timely manner on what we are going to do for the holidays....it just becomes a struggle. I brought the book home and read it from cover to cover in a day. 125 pages of the best words I could have read. It got me thinking about the frog and changing. Well, with it being cold out I hadn't seen the frog for awhile, after I started reading the book I decided better check on Kyle and was shocked to see the frog on the back sliding glass door. He was only on the door for about 15 minutes before hopping away into the bushes. It had been from mid Sept to early Nov since I'd seen him that night. Since Frog stands for --Forever Rely On God. It was truly a message from God. The book talks about the real meaning of Christmas that it's a time to celebrate the birth of Jesus, that God loves you, that we all have a purpose. (The frog was IN my house tonight as well as last night)
The Purpose of Christmas lead me to another book by Rick Warren called The Purpose Driven Life. It's 40 days of reflection and direction. I stopped at day 36, put the book away again carrying on with life as I knew it. As I said above I met my now ex fiance in April of 09 and he walked out of my life July 15th Surprisingly enough the force of energy was leading back to The Purpose Driven Life this time I was more open and receptive the words in the book. It talks about living for God and doing Gods work. It says somewhere it's not enough to just believe in God you need to put His will into motion. (I'm just summarizing here) Find a church and become accountable.
I was reflecting on my best friend Sarah's life and all the things she'd been through she found a wonderful husband, great kids, seemingly happy with life. If she had lemons thrown at her she'd make lemonade. I wanted what she had! What did she have that I didn't?---faith and church. She'd invited me several times, I graciously declined. Other people had invited me to their church but I knew better (ha ha jokes on me) I came up with every excuse not to go.
Finally August 30, 2009 I had planned to go check out Sarah's church. She even made a CD for me for my birthday of the songs they sing during Worship. Sunday 8.30.2009 I woke up feeling good --church started at 11 I was watching the clock and the closer it got to the time I was supposed to leave I started the old habit again as to why I shouldn't/couldn't go--Kyle was being difficult, I had a migraine etc. Finally, I threw my hands in the air told myself just get dressed, get yourself ready, Kyle's stuff packed and go.
I did just that, got Kyle's stuff and got in the car. OMG! I shrieked I'm almost out of gas ..I'm thinking is this a sign I shouldn't go....NO I can make it to the gas station. Kyle is in the back seat just talk talk talk...I get to the gas station it's full and I can't get to the pump. Kyle again starts talking to me as I'm trying to think of what to do next I yelled at him to be quiet out of anger, as soon as those words left my mouth he started crying I felt like the worst mother ever. I hear a little voice whisper to me. "Anger is one letter away from danger you are letting your anger get in the way of where you are trying to go, just keep driving." I headed for the freeway as I'm putting in the CD Sarah gave me getting to track 18 titled "Jesus take the Wheel" by Carrie Underwood the words are she was running low on faith and gasoline (ha ha how fitting) I turned the song up as loud as I could (without making Kyle's eardrums burst) and sang the song. We made it to the gas station fine then headed for Connection Point Church. I was feeling great now smiling and laughing then out of nowhere just started crying...I couldn't stop. I'm driving and trying to compose myself not sure what is happening. I didn't want people at church to see me cry then realized who cares it's church you know these people (from work). They love you and it doesn't matter---I surrendered to it, this was out of my control. I'm going to a place I NEED to be.
When I walked in Sarah was rehearsing for worship. WOW!!!! I was composed until I walked in, she took my breath away and I started to cry yet again when Pastor Aaron came up and gave a hug. I was super teary eyed during worship I tried to sing the best I could. Composed myself again I was feeling good ---then Aaron got up to deliver his sermon. It was like God was talking directly to me through Aaron.
After the sermon I told Aaron what happened during the process of me getting to church, he asked me "do you want me to pray for you?" without hesitation I said "yes." He put his hand on my head, Will (Sarah's husband) put one hand on one shoulder and Kip (one of my favorite bosses)put his hand on my other shoulder. Aaron said a few words of prayer just for me. AMEN! We all hugged it was a blessed day. Connection Point Church is a life changing experience. I have only missed 1 Sunday since starting. We are a small congregation but we are growing by loving each other an our church.
I'm saying this LOUD and PROUD...God and Church are very much a part of mine and Kyle's life. I'm striving to live my life by Gods will not my own(progress not perfection) to make better choices not just for me but for Kyle to teach him a better way.
You can pray for anything, and if you have faith you will receive it. Matthew 21:22
O Lord I give my life to you. I trust in you my God. Do not let me be disgraced or let my enemies rejoice in my defeat. No one who trusts in you will ever be disgraced, but disgrace comes to those who try to deceive others. Psalms 25:1-3
The journey from our head to our heart is often the longest and the toughest. I'm excited about life and the journey I'm on.
Love to you all
God Bless
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